Thursday, June 26, 2008
20:09 ●

3rd post.

i was scolded my my parent again. this time it hurts
the most. i can't stand it anymore. i just came back from
school and was so tired cause i have oral and then they
just come back and say i never help my bro clean the
house. is it fair? is it me or him who always never do
the cleaning and helping me at home? i feel useless,
lonely, jerk, fat pig and selfish. whenever they need
money they will ask me for it, as if i already have a work
that pays alot. my savings & my bank money are all gone.
i don't have money anymore. all my money goes to my
brother. while his money go down the drain. whenever i get
money from my grandmother or cik timah, that money
always turn out to be my school money for 2 or 3 days.
why are they doing this to me? everything i do at home.
cook rice, wash the dishes, trying to be a good daughter.
what did i get as a return? i didn't get love from my family.
i didn't get to buy the things i always wanted. i envy ppl
with good life and parent. why i cannot learn guitar? when they
know i wanna play guitar? i wanna study music? why my brother
can? why can't i? why won't they buy me present or cake
for my birthday? why must it be scolding when it is my birthday?
why must i be in school for them? what did i get in return other
than good future? what must i do to make them not scold me?
must i destroy my life? must i runaway from home? must i
be like those who drink beer and smoke? do those useless things?
if that what i have to do. i will.. I CARE FOR MY FAMILY.
but they don't. everything wrong or spoil or stupid they point
finger at me. they want to make me paiseh infront or my cousin
and aunties. i didn't want to be fat! I DIDN'T WISH TO BE ONE!
BUT I'M ALREADY ONE! WHY WON'T U JUST encourage me
instead of insulting me? infront of ur brother and sister?

U USED TO SAY WHEN I PASS MY PSLE U WILL BUY ME
WHAT I WANT. BUT WHAT DID I GET IN RETURN?
DON'T U REMEMBER I GET HIGHER MARKS THEN MY BRO?
BUT WHY DID U GIVE HIM AND NOT ME? U BROKE UR PROMISE!
IT HURTS ALOT! EVERYTIME U SCOLD ME. I TRY TO COOL
MYSELF DOWN. BUT U WERE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS MAKE ME
RAISE MY VOICE. U SAY TO ME DON'T MIX WITH THE BAD
COMPANY, BUT WHY MY BROTHER CAN? I CANNOT?
HE COME BACK HOME LATE CAN? I AFTER SCHOOL MUST COME
BACK HOME STRAIGHT JUST TO DO THE CLEANING AND COOKING.
WHEN I ASK FOR MONEY U WONT GIVE ME BACK. WHEN HE
ASK FOR MONEY U GIVE, WITHOUT THINKING. WHEN HE
WANT TO BUY THINGS U GIVE. WHEN I WANNA BUY THINGS
WHAT DID U SAY? " DON'T WASTE MONEY" & " DON'T BE LAME"
WHY DID I GET PARENTS LIKE THIS? THEY NEVER ENCOURAGE ME.
THEY HURT MY FEELINGS. NOW O LVL COMING AND I HAVE TO
DO MY BEST IN MATHS. U THINK I WILL DO? NO! I'M SO STRESS
AND I CANT PAY ATTENTION! U NEVER MAKE ME HAPPY.
I STILL REMEMBER U ONCE SAY U WANNA KILL ME. AND U PICK
UP ALL THE KNIFE IN THE KITCHEN. WHY WONT U JUST DO IT
THAT DAY? IM BETTER OF DEAD. IN UR EYES IM JUST A SPARE
TIRE WHERE U CAN BORROW AND THROW ME BACK . U NEVER
ONCE COMPLIMENT ME FOR WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM. AND NOW
WHEN I TOLD U I WANNA LEARN MUSIC AND MAKE MY OWN
MUSIC. WHAT DID U DO? U SHOW THAT FUCKING FACE TO ME.
AND I STILL REMEMBER WHEN DAD HIT ME WITH THE PLUG.
U DIDN'T PUT ANY MED OIL ON ME. IT WAS CIK TIMAH. HOW I
WISH I HAVE A MOTHER LIKE HER. ON THAT DAY ALSO U SCOLD
ME AND SAY WHO ASK ME TO BE NAUGHTY. DO U THINK I WANNA
BE ONE? WHEN U BUY THE PSP AND U SAY IT WAS FOR BOTH OF
USE TO SHARE. YEA RIGHT. IT TURN OUT TO BE MY BROTHER ONE.
WHEN I COMPLAINT TO U. U JUST KEEP QUIET AND SCOLD ME.
U FUCKING ASSHOLE! I WONT CALL U MY MUM! I WILL CALL U
AN ASSHOLE! U DON'T DESERVE TO BE MY MUM! AND WHEN MY
BROTHER HANDPHONE IS SPOIL, WHO IS IT THAT HELP BY OFFERING
MY HANDPHONE? AND WHEN UR LINE HAS BEEN CUT OFF. WHO OFFER
U HER LINE? AND HAS TO USE PREPAID? AND NOW MY BILL IS 80+
U SCOLD ME! MY BROTHER IS 300+ AND U DIDN'T SCOLD HIM LIKE
U SCOLD ME. WHY? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT UR DAUGHTER?
IS IT ME? OR U JUST MAKING IT OBVIOUS? I HATE U FOR THE
REST OF MY LIFE! U ASSHOLE!
CAUSE EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG IN UR FACE. SO MIGHT AS WELL
U KILL ME THAT DAY!

PS: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ATTENTION! IT'S JUST IM LETTING
OUT MY FEELINGS. CAUSE I KNOW THAT IF I SAY THIS TO THEM
THEY WILL BEAT ME SCOLD ME AND PUT CHILI AT MY MOUTH.

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )